There’s a part of me that people don’t always see.
Truth is… I’m a pretty strong introvert when I’m out in public.
If I’m being honest, I’d probably even say there’s a little bit of social anxiety in there too.
Now put me in front of a crowd to speak on something I know… or to lead a training?
I’ll absolutely do my thing. No hesitation. No fear.
But put me in a room full of people where it’s one-on-one conversations, small talk, or those moments after church or at a gathering… and I’m ready to quietly make my way back into my shell.
And here’s the interesting part…
If you come to me and start talking about something real—something deeper, something personal—
I’m all in.
That’s where I open up. That’s where I connect. That’s where I feel most like myself.
But surface level interactions?
They drain me. I overthink trying to figure out what to say next. It doesn’t come easily.
Over the years, people have described me in different ways.
At first, I’ve been called:
-
quiet
-
intimidating
-
standoffish
But once people actually take the time to know me, the perception most always shifts.
Then I become:
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a good listener
-
empathetic
-
genuine
- down to earth
-
someone they feel safe opening up to
And the truth is… I’ve always known that about myself.
That was never the issue.
The real struggle?
Battling between opening up and feeling safe enough to be vulnerable first.
To open myself up in spaces where I don’t yet feel seen.
Ironically in my counseling sessions, I can navigate small talk without any issue.
We might start with something simple like,
“How was your week?”
But for me, that’s never just small talk.
I’m listening for patterns, emotions, shifts… the things underneath what’s being said. And more often than not, that question becomes the doorway into something deeper, helping us find focus for the session, connect it to past experiences, unpack trauma, and align with the goals we’re working toward.
That’s where I feel most in my element.
But outside of that space?
For a long time… I felt invisible.
I even wrote a poem about it.
Because I knew I wasn’t the type to walk up to someone and just start talking.
But if someone came to me and shared something really personal?
I could connect all night.
And that created a barrier.
A quiet one.
One that led to missed connections… missed opportunities…
and at times, feeling like I was on the outside looking in.
But recently, I’ve been sitting with that.
Unpacking it.
Unlearning it.
And realizing something important:
Just because something has been your pattern…
doesn’t mean it has to be your limit.
So now?
I’m stepping back out there.
Softly… but intentionally.
Not forcing myself to be someone I’m not.
But also not hiding parts of me that are meant to be seen.
Because there’s nothing wrong with being introverted.
There’s nothing wrong with being the quiet one.
But there is something worth exploring when that quietness starts to cost you connection.
And I’m no longer willing to let that happen.
This is me… putting myself back out there.
Sheeda (P.S., Sheeda has always been more open than Rasheeda)
If this resonates with you, therapy can help you explore this in a deeper way. You don’t have to navigate it alone.
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